7/4/06: The Hills Have Eyes (2006)Newsweek would have you believe that this year’s remake of
The Hills Have Eyes is “
a broader critique of U.S. aggression.”
Newsweek is just scared. In truth,
The Hills Have Eyes offers a fine conservative truth that seldom emerges from Hollywood.
The 1977 original was a perfect little tale of folks terrorized by a mutant clan in the Nevada desert. The remake doesn’t waste any time stranding its modern family. It’s also blatant about establishing its character’s leanings, with former cop Ted Levine and his son goofing on the son-in-law who doesn’t like guns. “He’s a Democrat,” laughs Levine.
These quick characterizations initially seem to set up a bipartisan film. After the family is first attacked by the evil muties, the armed Republicans seem unthinking in their response. Meanwhile, the Democrats are too cautious.
There’s a Hollywood formula from there: Kill off the pro-gun faction while pleasing the crowd with a good Leftist ready to defend his family. Instead, the remake pays tribute to the original’s ad copy: “A nice American family. They didn’t want to kill. But they didn’t want to die.”
The new
Hills Have Eyes takes place in a post-9/11 world. It’s no longer sufficient for a nice American family to want to live. They have to want to live with a vengeance. Democrats, however, have to be dragged into wisdom, as seen when the film departs from the original script with an amazing new interlude.
The son-in-law wanders into a disposable town that was set up for atom bomb tests in 1953. It’s loaded with rickety homes and scorched mannequins. That’s where the son-in-law endures some moral relativism—courtesy of a new character who serves as patriarch for the mutants.
The bloviator known as The Big Brain cuts a fine form while stuck in his wheelchair and wheezing like Larry Flynt. This flapping freak lectures the son-in-law—who’s searching for a kidnapped infant daughter—about how horrible it is that he and his fellow freaks had to endure atomic testing back in the '50s. Never mind that the families were given plenty of warning to leave the hellhole that they called home.
The good Democrat responds much like Hillary Clinton would to, say, a hate-spewing Islamic mullah with an eye patch and hook hand. The guy gets all emotional and lets the Big Brain live.
That’s a stupid decision, but it makes for a smart movie. One with a happy ending, too, as the Democrat finally wises up in a style that would make his father-in-law proud. This movie's smart enough to treat that as a fantasy.
Make it your own: The Hills Have Eyes was just released on DVD a few weeks ago, so rental is easy. You can already find it fairly cheap via
Amazon. Note that the DVD includes a director commentary that’ll probably contradict everything written here.
