The Polar Bear Next Time
This entry was posted on 7/18/2006 9:39 PM and is filed under Film.
7/19/06: Eight Legged Freaks (2002)Hasn’t it been a mild summer? Can’t remember one this pleasant since 1996—except for, you know, these past three days of 90-degree temperatures
that make for the most cataclysmic heat wave in the history of mankind!Too bad there’s already a thunderstorm outside putting an end to that big story. Local newscasts continue to assure us that global warming is “on everybody’s mind.” Want to know what’s on our minds? Enjoying the true essence of eco-terror: GIANT SPIDERS!
Eight Legged Freaks first warmed our cold conservative hearts with the reasoning behind its mutant arachnids. Toxic waste gets the spiders spawning, which now seems as quaint as when the giant protozoa turned into 1964’s
Horror of Party Beach. Someday, our children will enjoy campy films about creatures spawned by a hole in the ozone layer.
And yet
Eight Legged Freaks has a reality-based angle.
Leon Rippy steals the show as the corrupt mayor of the mining town under a spidery siege. In any other Hollywood production, this blustery land developer would sport an expensive suit and a big cowboy hat. He’d also have a Texas accent, even though the story’s set in Arizona.
This film, however, features Rippy as a baby boomer prone to Hawaiian shirts. Everything about the guy—including his ostrich ranch—reeks of a Santa Fe art gallery. And is he a cool dad to the point of being neglectful to his only son? You bet.
In short, Rippy creates a character worthy of the generation that gave us Situational Ethics. He’d soon reprise that sick smarminess as a good Leftist lawyer in
The Life of David Gale.
Eight Legged Freaks is a swell monster movie, but it’s nice to see the care taken in crafting a human creep.
You also get to enjoy Doug E. Doug as a two-legged conspiracy freak. Those types used to be fun—but, of course,
Eight Legged Freaks was written during a more innocent time.
Make it your own: Boy, can you
buy this DVD cheap. How am I supposed to retire on my Amazon Associate revenues?
