8/11/06: Len Guardino EP (2004)

We’re feeling kind of bad about writing up The Rainmakers a few days ago. Fans should know that their albums are back in print, but showcasing the band—and our emphasis track—seems kind of obvious. It’s not difficult to find conservatives who know about “Government Cheese.” Every rock critic of the time went out of his way to condemn the song.

So now we give you Len Guardino—who’d be roundly condemned if he wasn’t so obscure.

Len’s the best lounge singer in Manhattan. Too bad there isn't a lounge that will have him. The problem isn’t the melodies or his voice. The four songs on this EP are catchy enough to transcend any sense of library music. It’s just that the NYC music scene isn't ready for the man, the music, and the message.

Consider the album’s opening manifesto of “Be The Man I Was Meant To Be.” It’s a striking response to the ’70s “It’s My Turn” mentality once captured by Diana Ross, and now perpetuated by indie gals such as Aimee Mann. Here’s what liberated ladies can look forward to now that it’s Len’s turn:

You pushed me around/I never made a sound/Knocked myself out to make you what you are today/Treated you just like a movie star/But that’s all over now/You’ll see what it’s like to be on your own/Pay for the house, the car, the phone/Work yourself like I did down to the bone…

As you can see, a guy like Guardino gets critics swooning in all the wrong ways. Len doesn’t make any more friends as he instructs the ladies in “I’m A Man, Yes I Am.” “All you have to do is walk behind me,” he explains. “Stop wasting your time/On that women’s lib line/You want to be happy?/Make your life part of mine.”

“They Call Me A City Slicker” is slightly more arrogant. Then the CD closes with the instrumental “They Tell Me I’m A Man,” which leaves stunned critics a chance to catch their breath before writing a withering review.

In truth, of course, Len’s simply been ignored. Most critics probably can’t get past his press kit, which warns, “Keep Len Guardino CD away from Females—They may find it EASIER to break through the ‘Glass Ceiling’ if they listen to Len’s CD.”

The best thing about Len is that he’s nobody’s persona. He’s a veteran figure in New York City theater, very much an intellectual, and honestly concerned about today’s young men lacking testosterone. We’ve heard him explain the importance of charity work and being “sensitive to those who come from a difficult home environment.”

Len also admires how Leftist dames are more aggressive than their male counterparts. In short, he’s no mere chauvinist. Len’s more like our pals in Gang of Four in that he won’t let modern personal politics keep men and women from relating as, you know, men and women.

And be sure to check out Len’s cartoon alter ego at ChampagneCat.com. It’s like a Harvey comic for libertarians.

Make it your own: Yes, ladies, Len can be had—cheap.

 

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