8/18/06: Snakes On A Plane (2006)Now, there’s a relief. Imagine if you couldn’t join in on the summer’s big cinematic event just because the movie insulted your politics. It’d be like having to miss out on that remake of
The Stepford Wives—except you might really want to see
Snakes On A Plane.
Rest assured that you’ll be right-winging it through friendly skies. (That’s a blurb. Pretty good, huh?) We’ll be writing a proper review elsewhere, so this posting will keep it simple with a relatively spoiler-free list of
Snake highlights:
• Potheads die first
• American-hating Brit dies painfully
• No token good/misunderstood Muslims (except maybe this one sexy Indian gal)
• Easily-offended law-school grad/stewardess
• Retro mini-skirted stewardess outfits
• Threat of death makes for an efficient FBI interrogation technique
• Mocking of ACLU makes for an efficient FBI interrogation technique
• Gloating over California's death penalty makes for post-interrogation FBI fun
• Male chauvinist pilot hangs in longer than expected
• Little kid raised by Marine knows how to keep cool in a crisis
• Blatant GLAAD-baiting
Also, there’s a scene where the frightened passengers (criminals have put snakes on the plane) start to act more like
Airport 1975 than
United 93. FBI agent Samuel L. Jackson gives a nice speech about how there are certain times when it’s too late to sit around and blame the government.
To be honest, though, this is one actioner that we wouldn’t mind leaving to the leftists. There’s something great about a sincere nihilistic wallow. There’s something sleazy about an R-rated nihilistic wallow that’s pandering to the kids. The film starts out looking like a big-budget
Andy Sidaris production, but soon becomes a disappointment.
Still, it’s more about the marketing than the movie. We’ll start next week with a salute to a truly great post-9/11 airplane thriller. In the meantime, enjoy the hype. Something like
Snakes won’t happen this naturally again.
Make it your own: As you might have heard,
Snakes On A Plane opens in theaters today. You can have Samuel L. Jackson
give your friends a phone call to remind them.
