8/28/06: Revenge of the Cheerleaders (1976)Summer’s (almost) gone and the time is right for dancing in our pants. That’s why we’re starting this week’s Back To School Film Festival with 1976’s
Revenge of the Cheerleaders. Maybe it’d make more sense to begin with 1973’s
The Cheerleaders, but that one’s actually kind of depressing. The unrated version is an especially grim comedy that borders on the pornographic.
The same can be said for
Revenge of the Cheerleaders, except without the grimness. The kids of California’s Aloha High are reveling in their decadent high-school antics. Their school has completely fallen apart—as noted by the local newspaper headline, “Morality Crisis Shatters Aloha High School.”
Everybody’s a creep at Aloha High. We see two token gals who are so uncool that they take offense at being groped. Otherwise, it’s all sex & drugs & rock & disco. Mainly disco, since the students have a tendency to break out in choreographed dance routines.
The school nurse is a bit of a prude, but that’s demonstrated by her chiding one of the cheerleaders for not being “ecologically-minded.” That’s the least of the cheerleaders’ problems. They’re certainly sexy, but arrogant and ignorant and mean and…well, a lot more Paris Hilton than Molly Ringwald.
They’re also all prone to nudity—including Cheryl Smith as the cheerleader who’s seven months pregnant.
The school’s biggest problem is Dr. Ivory (played by veteran comic Carl Ballantine). The principal is a negligent nutcase who seems to have spent a few summers vacationing with Dr. Leary. That’s working out fine for the corrupt head of the school board, who plans to shut down the failed school and develop the property.
Things go wrong when Ivory’s fired and the new principal comes to town. Hall Walker—sadly, Norman Thomas Marshall's only film role—has Clint Eastwood’s squint and Phyllis Schlafly’s spine. It takes him about ten minutes to turn the campus into a functional high school. The high point comes when Walker assembles the disdainful cheerleaders and promptly dismisses them all from the squad. “I’d like to blow up this school,” says one, “and that Marine with it!”
As it turns out, Walker’s the hero. Yes, he has to learn that the basketball team can’t win without our titular figures. The cheerleaders, however, end up trying to save Walker from the school developer. The plot gets surreal as the film becomes something like a spy spoof, but it’s reality-based enough that Walker—in a straightjacket—ends up saving the girls. He remains as principal, and the students supposedly stay on the straight and narrow. They won’t give up the disco, though.
Revenge of the Cheerleaders will be around forever, thanks to
David Hasselhoff making his film debut as basketball star “Boner.” (Surprisingly, we couldn’t find a clip of his malt shop dance routine—but
here’s The Hoff covering
P.F. Sloan.) Also,
Revenge is a fine memento of
Cheryl Smith. The talented actress really was pregnant during filming, and she’d go on to a troubled life and early death. It’s heartwarming to see the post-credit footage of Smith showing off her baby. You’ll wish that she’d had a Principal Walker of her own.
Make it your own: We’ll discuss
Revenge on DVD before the week’s up, but here’s
your choice of cheap VHS copies. For maximum sexploitation, find the version that capitalizes on another drive-in classic by changing the title to
H.O.T.S. III.
