8/30/06: John Tucker Must Die (2006)Yes, it would’ve been helpful if we’d reviewed this movie when it was released last month.
John Tucker Must Die didn’t even sneak up on us. We’d seen the trailer, which neatly condensed the plot: Three high-school girls discover that basketball star John Tucker has been secretly dating them all, and they resolve to ruin his life.
We knew the film had a moral overtone just because the girls didn’t decide to screw him to death—unlike, say, 1968’s
Three In The Attic. We also knew it wasn’t your typical feminist revenge movie. The trailer gave away how Tucker thrives despite the girls’ best efforts. They sneak his picture in a public-service ad campaign about herpes, and Tucker is rewarded for stepping forward to fight STDs. They trick Tucker into being caught in women’s underwear, and he turns it into a fashion trend. Discreet doses of estrogen only get Tucker laid for revealing his feminine side.
But there’s more to
John Tucker Must Die, including a sweet romance between the cad’s younger brother and the shy gal that’s recruited to break Tucker’s heart. You also enjoy plenty of laughs at the expense of the conniving mean girls. Tucker gets away with his multiple dating by crossing all cliques. There’s the Spirited School Reporter, the Cheerleader, and the Leftist Activist—all of whom were told that their romance had to be secret, since basketball players aren’t allowed to date during the season.
The Leftist Activist gets the brunt of most of the jokes. Tucker impresses her by acting outraged over a serving of veal, and the film’s running gag is that she has to keep being reminded that she’s a slut. (One punchline comes courtesy of a hemp bra.) That's not a double standard. Her problem isn't that she's promiscuous; it's that she's gullible.
Ultimately, Tucker is revealed to be enough of a nice guy to honestly get his heart broken. His fellow classmates learn about the plot against him, and attack Tucker’s ex-girlfriends. (A harmless food fight, folks.) The shy gal gets the younger brother, and gains enough confidence to tell her sexbomb single mother to quit parading guys through the bedroom.
That scene would warm
Maggie Gallagher’s heart, but she’d be less approving of John Tucker’s big lesson. He never has to atone for his crime of being a teenage male. Tucker simply learns to be honest about his sexuality, and makes sure that all the girls he dates are aware of each other. It’s like
Brokeback Mountain with a happy ending. Plus, cheerleaders in lingerie.
Make it your own: Let’s not pretend that you’ll reserve a DVD on Amazon. Just remember the film as a stocking stuffer when Christmas comes around. You might still catch
John Tucker on the big screen (it’s in 460 theaters this week), and it’s never too late to visit
the film’s website—which, in a clever touch, is a MySpace page.
