10/17/06: Steve Greenberg “Big Bruce” (1969)

We could easily fill space here by celebrating old crap that’s become politically incorrect. The problem is that a lot of politically incorrect crap is truly best forgotten. Still, it’s a shame how “Big Bruce” has been thrown into a memory hole reserved for novelty records.

Even the sole website that celebrates “Big Bruce” does so while branding the song as homophobic. We understand that Democrats want Republicans to be ashamed that we’re not ever vigilant of homosexuals. Let “Big Bruce” serve as a reminder that our nation has a long history of respecting homosexuals, much to the dissatisfaction of the Left.

So here are the lyrics to a song that hit #97 in the Hot 100 back in 1969—sung, sort of, to the tune of Jimmy Dean’s “Big Bad John”:

SPOKEN: The folk history of America is the history of its heroes. Big working men like John Henry, Paul Bunyan and Big Bad John. But today, I’d like to introduce a new folk hero. He didn’t work in a mine, or in a railroad, or any of those strenuous occupations. He worked in a beauty salon, and his name was Bruce...

    Well, every day at the salon, you can see him arrive
    He stood six-foot-six, weighed one-oh-five
    He's kinda narrow at the shoulders, narrow in the hips
    With a curl in his hair and a smile on his lips
    Big Bruce
    Big Bad Bruce

    No one seemed to know where Bruce came from
    He kinda swished into town and stayed all alone
    Never said much, kind of quiet and shy
    And when he spoke at all, it was just to say “Hi!”
    Big Bruce
    Big Bad Bruce

    Same say he came from New Orleans
    Where he had a social group called The Cajun Queens
    Some say Hollywood or Beverly Hills
    Where he got arrested for passing three-dollar bills
    That’s Bruce

    Then came the day of that terrible fire
    Something went wrong in the #5 dryer
    Into the chaos of those matronly caves
    Went Big Bad Bruce, just a-fannin’ the flames
    Big Bruce
    Big Bad Brucie-Wucie

    Well, the flames grew higher and the fire got worse
    And someone heard Brucie cry, “Mercy, I forgot my purse!”
    Into the fire with a squeal and a shout
    We waited an hour, but he never came out
    Poor Bruce
    Poor old Bruce

    Where that salon once stood is a grocery store
    But his name will live for evermore
    In the annals of time
    And in the Hall of Fame
    As a gay young cat who went down in flames
    Big Bruce

    You might say this is a big kind of fairy tale

Make it your own: Lots of people took a stab at “Big Bruce”—and, politics aside, the folks at Queer Music Heritage have done a fine job of preserving the song’s history. We own the version by Skyhooks and didn’t even know it.

Anyway, the hit went to Steve Greenberg—or, as spelled in the credits on Hey! Look What I Found: Vol. 9—“Steve Greenburg.” This compilation is the only place we’ve found “Big Bruce” on CD. The 27 amazing tracks also include a great early turn by Johnny Rivers, Tab Hunter’s “Red Sails In The Sunset,” and “Long Lonesome Highway” by Michael Parks.

 

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