11/2/06: RightWingTrashMen: Albinos!The men of
Weird N.J. put out a typically fine issue for October—but it was marred by a letter from the National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation. This is the same group that once made headlines by complaining about characters in
The Matrix Reloaded. Never mind that the Rayment Twins were playing ghosts. NOAH still had to send out a press release bitching about how Hollywood treats albinos as “almost always vicious, inhuman characters, depicted as freaks.”
In that same spirit, NOAH is now upset that
Weird N.J. addresses urban legends about albino tribes in the woods of New Jersey.
As we’ll likely have to keep repeating, RightWingTrash doesn’t randomly embrace the offensive or the politically incorrect. NOAH, however, should at least accept that albino villains are a vital part of schlock filmmaking. In fact, albino villains have saved many lousy movies.
Dolph Lundgren’s
I Come In Peace would lose all entertainment value without Matthias Hues’ pale alien presence. The only exciting moments in
Contact were courtesy of Jake Busey as a crazed albino Jesus freak. What about (as pictured) the 1976 blaxploitation classic
Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde? Bernie Casey looked superbad once he transformed into an albino whoremonger.
We’ve already discussed
The Omega Man.
And don’t forget the late Dar Robinson, whose role as a bunny-eyed psycho made
Stick one of the two watchable Burt Reynolds movies of the '80s. (The other one is
Sharkey’s Machine, where Henry Silva’s assassin could only have been improved by making him an albino.)
Albinos can look suave, as in
The Matrix Reloaded. They can also look creepy, as shown by
Victor Varnado being the only memorable presence in films such as
End of Days or
The Adventures of Pluto Nash. We don’t know why those busybodies at NOAH are trying to screw up Varnado’s career. We’re just proud to be part of the actor's fan base—and we say that as Republicans who really know about white guys always being the villains.
Make them your own: We love albinos, but we’re not going to send you to buy a lot of bad movies.
Stick is worth watching, but it’s not out on DVD. We blame NOAH.
