12/12/06: Dragnet: 1968: “The Christmas Story” (1967)It’s December 24th in The City—Los Angeles, and there’s only one place where you can get a foreboding orchestral chord when the cops learn that somebody’s swiped “a statue of the Child Jesus.” That’s right. A parish priest is about to get lucky as a case of petty theft crosses the desk of Sgt. Joe Friday. Then again, we have to worry that Sgt. Friday is a little off his game. When we first see him, he’s still putting stamps on his Christmas cards.
Anyway, Friday and Officer Bill Gannon head out to investigate. Father Rojas helpfully explains how the Baby Jesus was taken from the humble church’s Nativity scene before 7 am. Friday’s still baffled to learn that the place is left unlocked all night:
“You leave it wide open so any thief can walk in?’
“Particularly thieves.”
Father Rojas would like to have the Baby Jesus returned by the first Mass of Christmas. Friday and Gannon take on the case as a personal mission, and start by checking out the local religious supply stores. This allows a nicely antiquated scene where a talkative merchant notes that people are still religious—“especially kids.”
Even better, future
Brady Bunch star Barry Williams shows up as an altar boy who walks over to police headquarters to be interrogated. (“Dad says people who use the phone are lazy.”) This makes for a poignant reminder that a kid could once show up on television talking about how he hung up the surplice, and viewers would actually know what the character was going on about.
Friday and Gannon are distracted by a suspicious bum who turns out to be a huge red herring. Their first clue should be that the loser is played by Bobby Troup. The man who wrote “Route 66” looks stylish no matter how you dress him. It’s still nice to hear Friday’s voiceover describing “a man who had his troubles at bargain rates.”
Things are looking bad for Father Rojas. Friday and Gannon are ending their shift, and they stop by to admit their failure. That’s when the director (Jack Webb, of course) gives us one of the best shots in the history of color television. A little boy named Paco Mendoza strolls into the church, and he’s lit like Clint Eastwood coming in to dynamite the place. There’s a slow reveal as we see that Paco’s wheeling in the statue of Baby Jesus in a red wagon.
Paco explains that he prayed to Baby Jesus for a wagon like the one he’s received. As part of the deal, the kid felt that Jesus should get the first ride in his new toy. This isn’t just a TV show that brings Christ into Christmas. It’s a TV show that salutes the sweet obliviousness of children who equate gifts with belief.
A modern TV cop would start lecturing Paco on how he’s missed the true meaning of Christmas. Not the men of
Dragnet, though. They’re so touched that it takes a while before Gannon wonders how the hell Paco got his Christmas present on Christmas Eve.
Father Rojas explains that the local firemen fix up broken toys as presents for the local disadvantaged youth. That’s the end of the story. Nobody bothers to ask what Paco was doing taking Baby Jesus for a walk that had to last at least 10 hours. The kid had a new toy, he was happy, and he went walking. Don’t ask so many questions. You know, it’s just
based on actual events.
Make it your own: We caught this on the PAX network during a Christmas marathon last weekend—and good thing that we did, because Universal Home Video has really screwed up getting
Dragnet out on DVD. But check out
this cheapo DVD that includes “The Little Big Jesus” from the televised
Dragnet of 1953. It’s a black-and-white episode that’s close to being an exact remake of the
Dragnet: 1968 version.
