Ten Lords Or Less
This entry was posted on 12/13/2006 12:10 AM and is filed under Music,Theme Week.
12/13/06: Root Boy Slim & The Sex Change Band
“Xmas At K-Mart” (1978)[Updated with corrected lyrics from the Root Boy Slim camp—currently represented by Dick Bangham, whose brother Bob was a high-school classmate of ours, and, boy, was Bob surprised that anyone in his high school had heard of the band that his brother was working with back in '78. We'll note again that, as Dick reminds us, Root Boy was hardly a conservative. Also, we didn't mention that Root Boy passed away in 1993. Not only is Root Boy disparaging our President on his website, but he's doing so from beyond the grave!]
We’ll take a break from entwining Christmas and capitalism with tomorrow’s entry. For now, here’s a hipster holiday classic that celebrates the Wal-Mart of the ’70s. Root Boy Slim would probably be bitching about both stores nowadays, but things were more innocent in those post-punk-funk days.
Technically, this is a song about substance abuse and lowlife misery. Get to that final line, though, and you’ll understand that our American horn of plenty shines best as a relative thing. God bless our retailers, every one:
[Spoken]
Ho, ho, ho
Hey, Santa, I hear you just got in from San Jose
Got in a little trouble out that way
But I’ve got a song that’ll pick up your spirits the most
Goes kinda like this—
Christmas at K-Mart, all over the store
People are buying just a little bit more
So if you’re still shopping with money to spend
How ’bout this album by Root Boy Slim?
Christmas at K-Mart, Christmas at K-Mart
The mood ring counter is all aglow
When Root Boy starts his Christmas show
Winos sleep on the hot-air grill
Hippies all take their Christmas pill
Cough syrup, sold out tonight
Those Locker Room users in their usual fright
That lingerie counter was grab and go
Shoplifters' bags on overflow
Santa got a dose in San Jose
Come to the K-Mart, wants love to stay
I must have died and gone to Heaven
’Cause Hell is Christmas at the 7-11Make it your own: This popular tune will likely be included in Root Boy’s upcoming 2-disc career compilation. Until then, you’ll have to settle for
buying a vintage 45 straight from the official website. You can also find
video of Root Boy disparaging our President, but that’s forgivable in the Christmas spirit.
