3/8/07: The Dead Milkmen
                “The Thing That Only Eats Hippies” (1986)

Did anyone notice that we just went through the trouble of doing an overnight posting where we bragged about our ability to recognize a gay porn star? Now here we are goofing on longhaired effete types. There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. We were thinking about how Sheb Wooley’s “The Purple People Eater” was one of the greatest rock songs of all time, if only because of the closing line about how the alien plays rock ’n roll through a hole in its head. And that’s what got us thinking about the Dead Milkmen and their ode to the thing that only eats hippies.

So we can see that there’s absolutely nothing compensatory going on around here.

Anyway, “The Thing That Only Eats Hippies” is a great song. The Dead Milkmen mainly wrote quirky pop tunes that tried too hard to be outrageous. It’s a good thing they didn’t try to exist at the same time as something like South Park. This song, however, is both broad and subtle.

Consider how “The Thing That Only Eats Hippies” starts by informing us that The Thing is the result of an ambitious project for the 4-H Club. Honestly, what could be a more fitting birth? It’s like the revenge of Max Yasgur’s farm.

The Thing makes its way to Irvine, California, where the narrator informs us that “it ate a couple of hippies, and they tasted just fine.” Our hero soon finds a plentiful source of nutrition:

        Followin’ the Dead is how it gets its kicks
        Shame it wasn't born in 1966
        Listens to the music and begins to sway
        Dreamin’ acid dreams of a hippie soufflé

        What do they taste like?
        Some kind of treat?
        How many hippies can this monster eat?
        It ate Stills and Nash before they could shout
        And then it chewed on David Crosby
        But it spit him out

            All the punks are gonna scream, “Yippee!”
            ’Cause it’s the thing that only eats hippies

Sadly, the songs of the Dead Milkmen weren’t always so right in their politics. “Don’t Abort That Baby,” for example, doesn’t have a positive message. “Right Wing Pigeons” is a real embarrassment for the band, as the members demonstrate a true ignorance of their then-current events.

In fact, “The Thing That Only Eats Hippies” might only have been written as a celebration of surf culture. It’s still a swell curio from a vapid period in college-rock. Timeless, too.

Make it your own: “The Thing That Only Eats Hippies” was originally found on the Dead Milkmen’s Eat Your Paisley!—which serves as a typical example of how the band only managed three great songs per album. You’re a lot better off with Death Rides a Pale Cow: The Ultimate Collection. A few vital songs are missing, but so are many moronic moments.

 

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