5/3/07: Bill Haley and His Comets
        “Thirteen Women (And Only One Man In Town)” (1954)

There have been several recent sad reports about tykes being scared by Uncle Al’s Global Warming Tall Tales. That’s nothing, however, compared to the teens who are so busy mourning the polar bear that there’s simply no hoodie black enough to express their sorrow. You’d think Sassy was still being published by some underground printing press.

You know, our forefathers didn’t spend all their time worrying about the end of mankind. They had to deal with a much more realistic problem, and they responded with cool movies about giant insects. Also, they got to enjoy Bill Haley and His Comets spinning a tale about the bright side of nuclear annihilation:

        Last night I was dreaming
        Dreamed about the H-Bomb
        Well, the bomb went off and I was caught
        I was the only man on the ground

        There was 13 women and only one man in town
        Thirteen women and only one man in town
        And as funny as it may be
        The one and only man in town was me
        With 13 women—and me the only man around

        I had two gals every morning
        Seeing that I was well fed
        And believe you me, one sweetened my tea
        While another one buttered my bread

        Two gals gave me my money
        Two gals made me my clothes
        And another sweet thing bought me a diamond ring
        About forty carats, I suppose

        Well, 13 women and only one man in town
        There was 13 women and only one man in town
        It was something I can't forget
        Because I think of those 13 women yet
        Well, 13 women and only one man around

        I had three gals dancing the Mambo
        Three gals ballin’ the jack
        And all the rest really did their best
        Boy, they sure were a lively pack

                I thought I was in Heaven
                And all of these angels were mine
                But I woke up and I ended the dream
                ’Cause I had to get to work on time

        Well, 13 women and only one man in town
        There was 13 women and only one man in town
        No, I can't tell where I’ve been
        'Cause I kinda think that someday I’ll go back again
        To those 13 women—and me the only man around

Make it your own: A lot of artists covered “Thirteen Women”—including alternate-world versions by Ann-Margret and Dinah Shore. It’s still proper to celebrate Bill Haley and His Comets for the defining first take. One of the greatest backing bands in the history of rock ‘n roll makes this tune more than sexy. They make it downright explosive.

And the song’s B-side did pretty well, finding its own significant role in the history of RightWingTrash. Both “Thirteen Women” and “(We're Gonna) Rock Around The Clock” can be found on this fine compilation. Listen to all 42 tracks, and marvel at how there were Leftist creeps who’d lecture you back in the ’80s about Bill Haley and His Comets being soulless white profiteers. They’d also lecture you about how Ronald Reagan was a madman.

 

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