5/8/07: “The Addams Family Meets The V.I.P.s” (1964)Gomez Addams has just set up what might be the greatest train wreck in railroad history, but he feels like he’s in a rut. Morticia suggests a trip to Tombstone or Death Valley. Fortunately, some good fun is coming to them. Their old pal Sam Harris is conducting a tour of America for some visiting dignitaries from behind the Iron Curtain. The angry twosome—Miri Haan and Illa Klarpe—announce that they’re tired of “phony bureaucratic set-ups” and decide to visit an average American family. They (barely) open the phone book and randomly choose the Addams family.
Harris tries to convince them that the Addams family isn’t an average anything. Gomez and Morticia, however, are thrilled. They love guests, and invite the Russians to join them in a typical day. This reminds Morticia that it’s time to feed the plants—which eat a few pounds of hamburger every day. The Russians are baffled to see houseplants with human intelligence. They’re even more baffled that the person who bred them is “a mere woman—an American woman!”
Klarpe takes plenty of notes for the alarmed Haan. Uncle Fester stops by to ask Gomez to give him a recharging. Gomez fires up the generator, while Haan dictates to Klarpe: “Americans, in order to get energy, put electricity in ear, like vitamins in stomach—which we invented.” Then the two get really excited as Gomez rings for Lurch:
“Is he servant?”
“Yes, he’s our butler!”
“Finally, we are to meet downtrodden member of the American slave class.”
Of course, Lurch turns out to be the opposite of what Haan imagines as a “poor weak victim of exploitation.” The butler carries around a cigar-store Indian to see who cares for a smoke. This is the same Indian that Klarpe was examining closely before with much distaste. The Addams family would get a similar reaction if Sheryl Crow came by for a visit.
The Russians decide that Lurch is a robot. Harris tries to explain the truth, but can’t convince them. At least Haan and Klarpe can calm down enough to enjoy a nice lunch. They’re impressed to get caviar, but Morticia explains that they’re eating eye of tadpole. (Blue-eyed tadpole is better, Gomez adds, but it’s out of season.) Klarpe adds that American beef is fine, but not as good as in his country. Wrong again, since he’s dining on alligator.
Pugsley comes in to announce that he’s finished building his disintegration gun. Haan has a good laugh at that, until Pugsley uses the thing to take out a couple of pieces of furniture. Laugh now, Haan. Pugsley is going to be our future Secretary of Defense.
So what do the Russians learn from all this? Harris is pleased to overhear them comparing notes. “From now on,” says Haan, “ we must learn to respect all Americans.” “It is not safe to offend these people,” agrees Klarpe.
The two still haven’t seen the best of America, Addams Style. They’re about to say goodbye, and find Gomez checking out his stock ticker. “I just made $100,00,” says Gomez. “Oops, I just lost it again.” This gets Morticia to casually utter some French, and you know what that does to Gomez. Sex and money is too much for these Commies to handle. They rush out without taking a single additional note. “Very thoughtful,” says an impassioned Gomez, who’s decided that his dull daily routine is perfectly pleasant.
And so the Addams family makes a vital contribution to world peace. Harris later mentions that he caught Haan and Klarpe making plans to abduct Lurch. Well, that’s rude. “Let’s not give them another thought,” says Morticia. “Back to our own beautiful world.” And it is.
A quick note on the cast: Haan and Klarpe are played, respectively, by the great character actors Vito Scotti and Stanley Adams. Harris is played by Frank Wilcox, who’d later show up running an oil company on
The Beverly Hillbillies. Two months before this
Addams Family episode, Wilcox had shown up on the debut episode of
The Munsters. There’s a monster craze for you.
Make it your own: It took a while, but
The Addams Family is out on DVD. There are even some commentary tracks.
Volume One has “The Addams Family Meets The V.I.P.s.”
Volume Two is worth owning for the episode where Lurch becomes a pop star.
And here’s that
M&M’s commercial.
