7/9/07: Guttermouth Musical Monkey (1997) [language advisory—but not too bad for an act called Guttermouth]LiveEarthAid didn’t turn out to be a disaster—unless you’re honestly concerned about people wasting our natural resources. The actual line-ups didn’t offer too many disillusioning displays. We've gotten used to Cat Stevens (or Yusuf Islam, or, as now discreetly billed, "Yusuf") wanting our son dead. The only real disappointment was Neil Finn showing up with Crowded House for the Sydney show. But, like The Police and Smashing Pumpkins, Neil had a reunited band to promote. The new
Time On Earth is typically great, too. The song written with the Dixie Chicks is even bearable. It seems like Neil wrote the lyrics, since the song isn’t about the Dixie Chicks.
It’s a shame, though, that better bands than Muse or the Arctic Monkeys didn’t go on record as goofing about the event. We’re pretty sure that Guttermouth made some snide comments, but nobody pays attention to them. That’s because they once released a record like
Musical Monkey.
The proudly confrontational vibe begins with the lead track, as “What’s The Big Deal?” celebrates the sheer fun of a hunting trip. You could reasonably expect a goof on certain macho types. Instead, the song maintains a seriously happy vibe worthy of Ted Nugent. These hunters aren’t wasting their kills, either: “Trophies on your wall/Slap some new boots on your feet/The wallet in my pocket/Kinda smells like meat.”
“Lucky The Donkey” then provides a richly detailed look at the horrible past life (and loves) of frontman Mark Adkins’ miserable mother. That’ll later be matched with “Lipstick,” where Adkins gets his mom arrested with a false claim of assault. Both are fine examples of the plentiful punk tunes about kids who’d be happier if their moms had been the (
false) stereotypes of repressed ’50s television.
“Big Pink Dress” is the giddy sound of Adkins breaking up his gay marriage, while “Do The Hustle” is a terrific screed against skatepunks. “Good Friday” probably means that some of our more religious readers will want to sit this one out. It’s kind of a moral attack on religion, though. In that same spirit, Guttermouth is at their most sincere when dissecting a young slut in “Suckin’ Dick For Beer.”
The album peaks with “Abort Mission,” which perfectly captures the band’s many struggles within their scene. “It’s Friday night, I’ve got a date,” begins Adkins, “with this vegan girl Kate.” It’s no surprise that things quickly go wrong. They end up walking because Kate doesn’t like his car. (“Is it my cozy leather seats/Is it the covers made from sheep?”) He also has to ditch his suede shoes and his jacket. At least the sacrifices pay off—until the tragic ending when Adkins tries using a lambskin condom.
This reminds us of the best line in “Bakers Dozen,” where Adkins tries to keep up on all the punk trends: “You must be a riot grrrl/But you’re not very funny.” All the songs on Musical Monkey are coming on correct. “Abort Mission” still ends with the best attitude, as Adkins shows atypical punk solidarity in passing along the easy mark:
If you’re looking for some action
Or if you want to score
Just eat some bark and acorns
And she will like you more
Than meMake it your own: Musical Monkey can be found
fairly cheap, and you won’t have to waste your time tracking down other Guttermouth albums. This one’s the only vital album both musically and lyrically. Last year’s
Shave the Planet was pretty good, but costs way too much for what’s basically an EP. The only people who’d shell out that kind of money are the kind of fans that Guttermouth enjoys ridiculing.
And speaking of Ted Nugent—which we did—we feel kind of bad that we ran his picture on the Fourth of July and didn’t even link to his fine holiday editorial for OpinionJournal. So
here it is.
