9/28/07: They Must Be Russians
“Don’t Try To Cure Yourself” (1980)We’ve noticed a few clever internet types goofing on the Sex Pistols this week. That’s understandable. Conservatives can’t spend all their time making fun of hypocritical hippies. Another reunion by aging punks seems like a good target—except that the Sex Pistols were always proud capitalists. Their best compilation is called
Flogging A Dead Horse and ends with the ring of cash register. We didn’t even mind this week’s press release about the band re-recording “Anarchy in the U.K.” for
Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Swindle away, guys. At least they can still put on
a good show.
Anyway, just because the former Johnny Rotten is (reluctantly) endorsing Hillary Clinton doesn’t mean we should forget things like the Sex Pistol’s jarring take on abortion with “Bodies.” They weren’t the only punks with cautionary tales, either—which got us thinking about They Must Be Russians.
The band name comes from an outraged news headline about the Pistols’ “God Save The Queen.” The band itself was a typically short-lived act that featured Russ Russian and Paul Russian. TMBR weren’t really punks, of course. By 1980, that was a pretty useless genre. “Don’t Try To Cure Yourself” is more of a catchy new-wave tune with a recurring harsh instrumental break.
It’s also music with a message—or, more accurately, a lecture. The lyrics are a dry recital about the characteristics of various venereal diseases. It’s enough of a lecture, in fact, that the narrator—assisted by the occasional lilting pop vocal—regularly introduces a slide of assorted physical effects. That’s when the harsh instrumental break comes into play. It’s kind of like a scream.
It wasn’t just the Sex Pistols who got us thinking about They Must Be Russians. We were also writing about
1991 earlier this week. That’s when we left Atlanta, Georgia for New York City—and none too soon, since the local rock scene was in the midst of a big herpes outbreak. Those were the same young adults who’d been raised in the post-AIDS environment where only good things could come from classrooms where sex was discussed in positive ways. Those same dolts couldn’t even protect themselves from a disease that would’ve disappeared along with pet rocks if people had any decency.
If you were a young Brit who wasn’t lucky enough to be a hypochondriac, then maybe They Must Be Russians scared you straight into a disease-free adulthood. By 1984, of course, They Must Be Russians were more likely to be accused of being judgmental. Even worse, they weren’t being sex-positive. It’s like they were dwelling on consequences.
Make it your own: “Don’t Try To Cure Yourself” is a neat tune, but you don’t need to seek out rare vinyl. You can hear the song on They Must Be Russians’
MySpace page (of course)—but
here’s a link with superior sound. The song also made its CD debut on the fine
7” Up compilation of rare UK singles, along with Henry Badowski’s charming “Making Love With My Wife.” You can make fun of the hairstyles and drum machines, but there have been far dumber pop scenes.
