10/29/07: Devil In Miss Jones 5: The Inferno (1994)The first thing we want to say is that our special Halloween double-feature is going to be very wholesome. Also, while
Devil In Miss Jones 5: The Inferno is a very dirty movie, the titular inferno is The Hellfire of the Damned. This makes today’s entry just as morally valid as any Christian-themed Halloween horror house—and perhaps more so. We’ve been going to Christian-themed Halloween horror houses since 1987, and some of them are pretty racy.
And we’re not even going to be talking about any of the sex acts in
Devil In Miss Jones 5. In fact, we’re fast-forwarding right through them so that we can enjoy some of the film’s conservative content, as voiced by The Devil himself—played by Rip Hymen.
Yes, that’s an unfortunate pseudonym. We won’t mention any more names—although there’s some major talent involved in the production. The important thing is that the fifth in the
Miss Jones series is a return to the moralistic themes of the original classic from 1973. (
Here’s our daring entry from last year.) This retelling of the original takes a more comedic tone, with big laffs and some deep thoughts handled out by our narrator. That’s the aforementioned Devil, complete with horns and pitchfork and red long johns.
The Devil is gloating over the his recent acquisition of 19-year-old Justine Jones. She spent her time on earth believing that sex is dirty, and The Devil is promising to teach the freshly deceased Miss Jones all about Truth. It turns out that Miss Jones is a good Leftist prude, as revealed in this Devilish introduction to a sex scene:
What do you know about knowledge? The getting of wisdom? The responsibility of the intellect? Miss Jones knew nothing. Correction—Miss Jones majored in Women’s Studies at a prestigious American university. She knew less than nothing.The Devil has a few Leftist notions himself—although his warnings about monogamy are pretty reasonable when you consider that we’re talking about a dead young person here. He's still capable of some heavy moralizing, particularly in this sneering speech that should be swiped by the Vatican:
What do you know about lesbianism? In America, you call them “dykes.” You also call them “cool.” Lesbians embody the best qualities of both sexes, claim those who are supposedly in the know. In actuality, such liars know nothing. Why, then, do they not say
nothing?Often a woman will bed another woman merely to please her boyfriend. Inoffensive enough. More common is the sickening worship of any practice considered unconventional by idiots—idiots who consider themselves intellectuals. The fires of Hell burn hot for such flaming [morons]—lesbian poseurs.Isn’t that a moralistic thought that we can all celebrate? “All” being a relative term, of course, since we’re most likely talking to ourselves. At least, as far as our conservative readership goes. Let’s hope they come back for that wholesome Halloween entry.
Make it your own: No links today, since none would be safe for work. Still, we’re happy to see that
Devil In Miss Jones 5 got a DVD release—but, sadly, without commentary. This is one adult film where we’d like to hear more about what everyone was thinking.
