3/19/08: The Pro (2002) [language advisory, and how]We keep slowly catching up with last week’s big news—in this case, with the most conservative comic ever made about a super-powered whore. That isn’t a surprising qualifier because there are so few super-powered whores. It’s a surprising qualifier because the Leftists have really taken over the comics industry.
Much like Frank Miller, though, comics writer Garth Ennis was properly inspired in the aftermath of 9/11. The major comic-book companies addressed the terrorist attack with inconsequential special editions. (Money was raised for charities, at least.) Ennis created this one-off comic about a hooker who’s given superpowers by a voyeuristic alien. The creep from outer space is following up on a bet that any Earthling can become a hero. Our new heroine—who doesn’t even rate being introduced by name—is a filthy-mouthed hooker with a newborn child and a waitressing job at Denny’s.
The first enemies that The Pro encounters are Ennis’ deadly take on the good guys. The alien has alerted Earth’s superheroes about the new champion amongst them. The Pro isn’t happy to make their acquaintance. Ennis puts together an ersatz Justice League with irritating variations on Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. The preening members of The League of Honor are mostly irritating because
The Pro is set in a world where the World Trade Center fell. These superheroes are obsolete and too stupid to know it. The Pro is much smarter.
But the League of Honor offers a financial stipend, so The Pro decides to join. She gets off to a bad start by cursing too much and humiliating a supervillainess “on the floor of the United Nations! In full view of the assembled ambassadors!’ That’s how one outraged superhero puts it. He forgets to mention that it was also Bring Your Kids To Work Day.
The Pro doesn’t care. She’s more interested in counting up how many johns she can take care of with her new super-speed. She continues to clash with her new pals, leading to a confrontation after she has sex with a particularly saintly superhero. The Pro expresses her disdain for all super-powered cretins running around in tights and playing games when they could be changing the world. The League of Honor starts rambling about how “societal change is a matter for humanity to affect alone.”
The Pro offers a rebuttal:
You can’t fight the real bastards and expect to get away scot-free. You can’t make real changes unless you’re prepared to piss-off and hurt a lot of people. You goofs, whatever it is you think you’re doing, you are no use to this world at all. You are a lousy example to people. You aren’t the kind of heroes they need, and you have nothing to do with the reality they have to live in. Because this is a harsh fucking place, and it is fucked to give people the idea that someone’s coming riding to the rescue. The veteran heroes respond by talking about the importance of inspiring hope. That sets up The Pro’s point about 9/11:
Listen to me: We don’t need you. What we need are guys with the balls to drop bombs on schools and hospitals, because that’s where those assholes like to hide. Or people who’ve got it in them to sneak up behind motherfuckers and cut every throat in sight. Or just some poor slob who’ll run into a falling building knowing he’s going to die, but willing to throw it all away anyway. We need people who don’t know shit about hope. And then the League is called to deal with some Islamic terrorists, and The Pro has to save the day while the other heroes worry about her actually killing the bad guys. That sets up a touching end to the whole affair—which is important, since this comic might otherwise just be a vulgar way of making some very important points.
Make it your own: We’ve still got our First Printing, and didn’t realize that
The Pro had become a collector’s item. Fortunately, continued demand produced
an affordable new edition that was released last year—with an added story that we didn’t know existed. We’ve ordered our copy. Artwork by Amanda Conner, by the way.
