9/18/08: Proud American (2008)

As the trailer informs us, it’s “a film about freedom, opportunity, and responsibility”—and girls in bikinis. None of that kept Proud American from recently setting a box-office record for the worst wide-opening weekend in film history. That’s not necessarily a bad sign for conservatives. Proud American is pretty awful. There’s a reason everyone stayed away in droves.

Still, we haven’t seen a single conservative site mention Proud American as either a straight release or major failure. We’re mainly plugging it as a laughably patriotic spectacle that’s available in IMAX. Maybe it’s also being shown in Cinemascope somewhere. This anthology film can’t offer much more than thrilling imagery interrupted by tales of proud Americans going up against skinheads, crippling accidents, and bitchy girls in high-school cafeterias.

You also get Yakov Smirnoff, a stirring recreation of Wal-Mart’s early struggles, and some notable character actors whose appearances are pretty jarring amongst the cast of unknowns. Actually, that’s all kind of compelling. No other movie this year can offer Yakov Smirnoff in IMAX. At the very least, you’ll enjoy bringing this one up at the Old Republicans meeting when everyone else is reminiscing about An American Carol.

Also, you should go see Proud American because $5 million of the profits are supposed to be donated to various charities. You won’t have to worry about any creative accounting on that end.

Make it your own: Here’s the official site for the film, which isn’t good-humored enough to proclaim “#1 on the box-office charts!” In fact, the site is direly serious. Still, it allows you to print out a list of the 750 theaters where Proud American is (hopefully) still playing.

 

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