I was writing about Lynyrd Skynyrd over the weekend, ending with a deep thought about how nervous the band makes moronic rock critics. The writers don’t want to seem Southern or anything, but they’re also concerned about seeming improperly appreciative of America’s very own AC/DC. (There’s nothing really similar in musical styles; it’s just that Lynyrd Skynyrd is the second choice behind AC/DC when a Hollywood stylist wants to doll up a movie star in a faded t-shirt.)

Anyway, I checked a search engine for a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert review. I figured it wouldn’t be difficult to find a typical rock critic’s scramble for a safety zone. As it turns out, I got a true classic at the very top of the list. Here’s an excerpt from this review of a 2003 show (bizarre editing left intact):

These ears could not be reconciled to the deafening orgy of patriotic lust which sprung from the audience when the band delivered current hit “Red, White & Blue”. “My hair’s turning white, my neck’s always been red, my collar's still blue," goes the chorus. It's fine for the VanZant brothers to pay tribute to their roots; I applaud them in it, but cannot accept the concert-goers’ apparent blind support of recent travesties in the name of American imperialism.

Keep in mind that those are the words of an alleged Skynyrd fan. (“Deep down,” the writer adds, “I too am country and like basic things.”) The upcoming Lynyrd Skynyrd album is called God & Guns, so it’s nice to know that the rock critics will still be having aneurysms over the band’s existence. Too bad that the hipsters never caught on to Johnny Freedom.

 

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