Pass the Douchey
This entry was posted on 8/31/2009 10:01 PM and is filed under Literature.
The vacation was pretty good, thanks, but it was a drag to open the paper and see
an obituary for Ellie Greenwich. The writer of “Leader of the Pack” and “Chapel of Love” (among many other songs) was only 68 years old. That must have come as a real shock to those who didn’t know there was a time when teenagers actually wrote hit songs for teenagers. Actually, those who didn’t know wouldn’t care, anyway.
Fortunately, I was able to cheer myself up with a book that I’d bought the day before at the Book Nook—which is just about the only store that gets me riding into Atlanta, Georgia nowadays.
Blanche Knott’s Truly Tasteless Kennedy Jokes was part of a series of
Tasteless joke books that were briefly popular in the ’80s.
Tasteless Kennedy Jokes was published in 1992, which surprised me. I’d expect that kind of book would’ve been banned by then. It probably helped that Blanche Knott’s empire was already in decline. Anyway, here are a few favorite entries from the book:
Why was David Kennedy buried at sea?
So Uncle Ted could drive to the funeral.
One day, a young woman was walking along the beach in front of the Kennedys’ Palm Beach estate when Willie Smith jumped out from behind a sand dune, grabbed her, dragged her down onto the shore, and began to molest her. “Help! Help me, someone!” she cried. “I’m being robbed!”
“I beg to differ,” interrupted Uncle Ted, looking up from his lounge chair. “You are, ah, being screwed.”
“Well, if this is being screwed,” she retorted, “I’m being robbed.”Desperate to overcome her drinking problem, Joan Kennedy went to the doctor, who told her not to touch anything alcoholic…
So she went home and threw Teddy out of the house. A politician died and went to Hell for his sins. As the Devil was leading him off to the pool of fire and brimstone that was reserved for him, he caught sight of Ted Kennedy eternally humping a gorgeous woman.
Under his breath, the congressman cursed the injustice of it all. “Okay, I made a few crooked deals in my day, greased a few palms, but I never drowned any innocent girls. Why should I roast in Hell for all eternity when Kennedy doesn’t even have to pull out of that beautiful babe?”
The Devil turned on him and roared, “And just who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”If you’ve read this far, I should go ahead and note that Ellie Greenwich’s obituary actually appeared on the same page as Teddy Kennedy’s. The lengthy and adoring Kennedy obituary was written by AP Special Correspondent David Espo. Chappaquiddick is finally mentioned (for the first and last time) in the 34th paragraph of the print edition, for two whole sentences: “The automobile accident that resulted in the death of a young Pennsylvania woman, Mary Jo Kopechne, drew snickers both before and after it shadowed his presidential campaign in 1980. Kennedy was driving the car in the accident at Chappaquiddick.”
The obituary also notes that Espo “covered Kennedy’s unsuccessful campaign for the presidency in 1980.” You probably wouldn’t find much difference between Espo’s obituary for Kennedy and that campaign coverage.
