Like the other list posted today, this one has been published
elsewhere. I can’t find the article online, though. That’s obviously
because it’s the kind of important deep thinking that gets hidden
behind a subscriber’s firewall. Anyway, here’s…
The Ten Most Overrated Albums of 2009
In case you missed the awards ceremony, my Overrated Albums list for
2008 was chosen by Popdose.com as the Best Overrated Albums List of the
Year. My acceptance speech went like this: “I’ve been ripped off so
much that the thing’s become a goddamn
category?” Now the idea of
writing about the Overrated Albums of 2009 seems overrated itself.
Besides, the critics and fans showed some restraint this year. R.
Kelly’s wretched new album got the respect it deserved. Nobody got too
excited over Sonic Youth’s
The Eternal, either. It received the good
reviews you’d expect for the best Concrete Blonde album of the year.
But, as always, there was plenty of hype handed out to the
undeserving—made more tragic by gullible music fans who are too lazy to
seek out all the quality acts that litter the internet. The worst albums were
by this crowd, made even more irritating by popular acclaim…
The Pains of Being Pure of Heart: The Pains of Being Pure of Heart (Slumberland)
Mom and Dad getting divorced, and your older brother got dibs on
rebelling to death metal? And your sister is old enough to have hogged
everything by The Belle and Sebastian? Here’s some passive
pre-adolescent pop with flaccid riffs that’ll put you on your own path
to bad decisions—likely leading to starring in scatological porn that
isn’t even made in Germany.
Phoenix: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix (Glass Note)
a-ha announced they’re breaking up this year, and Phoenix is probably
why. No aging act can compete with a full boy-band experience modeled
after The Pretenders, Adam Ant, and lesser new-wave acts. At least
Phoenix perfectly captures the most irritating aspects of new-wave.
Meanwhile, the fine Frenchmen of Poni Hoax go unheard. That makes them
the only Frenchmen who deserve to complain about stupid Americans.
Wavves: Wavvves (Fat Possum)
Douse yourself in Axe Body Spray and enjoy Wavves as ’90s punk-pop
dumbed down (yes, even more) for aging frat guys who pine for emo music
worthy of a sports bar jukebox. Don’t forget to admire how Nathan
Williams combines the arrogance of Bono with the toothy obliviousness
of Clay Aiken. It's like watching that Germs biopic if Darby Crash was
played by Dane Cook.
The Avett Brothers: I and Love and You (American)
They looked ready for the Disney Channel at the start of the decade, or
at least a remake of
Adventures of the Wilderness Family. Then the
Avett Brothers’ mix of emo and Americana caught the eye of Rick Rubin,
who groomed them for the glossy debut of
I and Love and You—where, as
feared, the humble backwoods act was turned into the house band that
Rubin should’ve used for Reba McEntire’s hipster makeover.
Bell X1: Blue Lights on the Runway (Yep Roc)
The Irishmen of Bell X1 are so white that ACORN should be financing
them a new Cadillac. Bell X1 is so white that the moronic praise for
the wispy pop of
Blue Lights on the Runway should skip the Talking
Heads comparisons and cite DEVO as the band’s personal James Brown. Any
woman who can dance to Bell X1 probably used to attend the John
Phillips Day Care Center. I’m not even sure what that last line means,
but it can’t possibly be as unfunny as the idea that any young person
has been listening to Bell X1 and thinking, “Yeah, get down on it.”
Wilco: Wilco (The Album) (Nonesuch)
These guys would be retired to the Overrated Hall of Fame if the
cornball lite-rock of
Wilco (The Album) hadn’t been accompanied by this
year’s
Ashes of American Flags (the documentary). The footage followed
our dullard heroes while they played small Southern venues and whined
incessantly about the corporatization of the American landscape. They
have no clue that they’re the Olive Garden of Americana.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: It’s Blitz! (Interscope)
Their dance-pop got tired long ago, but
It’s Blitz! is where
’80s-throwback Karen O got desperate enough to insist that the Yeah
Yeah Yeahs’ music “almost feels like a John Hughes ’80s movie.” In an
awesome display of survival, Hughes waited five months before dropping
dead from embarrassment.
Green Day: 21st Century Breakdown (Reprise)
Billie Joe and his supporting cast have made an album that is entirely
interchangeable with Bon Jovi’s
The Circle—except Jon Bon Jovi never
committed the sin of giving aging punks something to actually be right
about when complaining about pathetic sell-outs. Bon Jovi would
probably also be too embarrassed to be caught rhyming “hero” and “zero.”
Jay-Z: The Blueprint 3 (Roc Nation)
He’s still the Madonna of rap, with Jay-Z working busy dance beats
under the auspices of a brand name that’s mysteriously respected. His
jet-setting socialite days have also turned him into the white Ashton
Kutcher. This one is the blueprint too far, with the busy businessman
working through a checklist of hip-hop clichés while sounding as tired
as Humpty Hump on an oldies tour.
The Dirty Projectors: Bitte Orca (Domino)
A discordant opening track turned The Dirty Projectors into critics’
darlings. Then the reviewers had to ignore the rest of
Bitte Orca,
including the sappy soul music and the cutesy Americana—not to mention
the uninspired hip-hop. Then the critics faced the daunting task of
deciding whether it’s cooler to rank Dirty Projectors above or below
Kelly Clarkson. Math is hard!
